


nightingale

by jenny lind (Lilitu)



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Never enough, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 21:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21380692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilitu/pseuds/jenny%20lind
Summary: She hurts.She hurts when her parents die, as much as she hated - hates - them. She hurts after she becomes an opera singer, sings in every great opera house, but every performance leaves a hole within her, empty and gaping and yearning and disgusting.
Kudos: 12





	nightingale

**Author's Note:**

> i took a lot of creative liberty with this, but hopefully at least some people will enjoy it ^^ i really, really enjoyed Jenny Lind in the movie, she's definitely my favorite character.

_ Disappointment, _her father screams, and Jenny Lind cowers in a corner, hands spread in front of her face, meagre protection as they are. 

_ Bitch, _her mother shrieks, and Jenny Lind does the housework for today and tomorrow, because if she can’t avoid being beaten, then at least her mother is more merciful with the lash. 

_ Bastard, _other children taunt, and Jenny Lind wishes she could cry but there are no more tears left. 

She hurts. 

She hurts when her parents die, as much as she hated - hates - them. She hurts after she becomes an opera singer, sells out every great opera house a dozen times over, but every performance leaves a hole within her, empty and gaping and yearning and disgusting. 

She loathes herself, freckled face and orange hair and ugly nose and uglier eyes, and she picks at her food, refuses to eat, wants to be as light and beautiful and graceful as a bird, to live up to her name, the Swedish fucking Nightingale. The phantom voice of her father eggs her on, _ no big loss if you die, you win and you lose_. And her mother reminds her in a piercing tone that she is already well past marriageable age. 

Her eating is out of control now, but she can’t help it because she doesn't even know how to start. Two cups of coffee with milk and four slices of toast and her _voice_ shrinks to a cup of black coffee spiked with vodka and half a slice of toast and the voice of an old woman. The fat melts off her bones, carves out sharp hollows in her face, gilds the skin beneath her eyes with lovely black paint, and at last she feels like she's worth something.

Jenny Lind wonders if suicide is really such a sin. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> might continue this as a multi-chapter thing later if i feel like it/interest is expressed! let me know in comments if anything is off with the grammar, feels disjointed, etc, as i wrote this at 3 am.


End file.
